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Author Topic: Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown  (Read 229 times)

Angelina Tonks

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Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« on: December 15, 2003, 11:53:03 AM »

Firstly, I would like to greatly express that me and stormy do not mean any offence when we do these jokes. If you really, really take offence from this, then message either me or stormy and we will take it off the thread and apologise. We would also like to notify you that we are complete idiots and our jokes are rather bad but you can't escape us now! *Locks studio doors and laughs crazily*

'And today we have - Sirius Black for an exclusive interview!' There is some muttering, but stormy shushes them all. Time passes by, and a candle can be seen melting. Lena laughs nervously. 'Oh yeah, he's dead.' she points out. Then stormy goes, 'Fine, let's welcome on - James Potter!'
Lena points out that he is dead aswell. Suddenley, dementors pour in through the emergency exit and Harry Potter stands up and goes, 'expecto patronum!' A stag patronus comes out of his wand and chases the dementors away. Stormy goes, 'Ah, James Potter, hello!'
Harry, aware that stormy is speaking to the patronus tries to do a ventriloquist act. 'Hello, stormy.' he says out of the corner of his mouth.
Stormy goes, 'So James, how are you?'
Harry mutters, 'I'm fine.'
'How's death been treating you?' Lena asks.
'Well, you know, me and Lily are doing fine, we can get down to business a lot more times!' Ron bursts out laughing, and Hermione nudges Harry. Ping coughs. 'Sorry.' Harry apologises to her.
 The patronus dies away and Lena goes, 'Leaving so soon? Oh well, let's bring on our next guest - Peter Pettigrew!' Some cheesey music comes on, and Wormtail walks in waving his silver hand and knocking over lots of things with it. He sits down on a chair in front of Lena and Stormy, and Stormy asks, 'Hello Peter, and how are you?'
Peter's eyes flicker to the door, and then says, 'I'm fine.'
'And what have you been doing these last few years?'
His eyes flicker to the door again.
'Oh, for goodness' sake,' stormy says. 'If you want o leave, all you have to do is ask!'
Peter scurries out of the door.
Logged
The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!

stormymind

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2003, 12:09:51 PM »

"Well really!" exclaims Stormy, "If anyone else wishes to leave they can do it now!"
The whole audience run for the door.
"Not so fast! Come back! Come back!" ordered Lena, the audience return heads bent and backs slumped.
"Now today, we shall introduce Moonie!" Lena beams and Stormy bursts out laughing. "What?"
"You said a rude word!" giggled Stormy, "You said moonie! Moonie!"
Lena bangs her head against the studio set. Why was she cursed with such an idiotic friend? Why?
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Angelina Tonks

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2003, 12:24:24 PM »

'Ahem.' Ping looks down at stormy and Lena, and Lena says, 'Don't look at me, it's stormy who thinks it's funny.'
Stormy stops laughing when she realises Ping is looking at her. 'Sorry.' she murmurs, and then carries on. 'Well, it seems we don't have moony - ' surpressed giggle, ' - tonight, so let's welcome on Fred and George Weasley!' The twins apparate in, and Hermione stands up, and states, 'You can't apparate or disapparate in or out of Hogwarts! Surely anyone who has read Hogwarts: a History knows that!'
Lena sighs. 'How many times do we have to tell you Hermione - this is the set of the Harry Potter movie and not the actual place! If you would also quote from Hogwarts: a History, you would remember that electrical equipment doesn't work there because of all the magic around. Ron stands up and  goes, 'Oh my goodness - there's actually someone else who has learnt Hogwarts: a History of by heart!'
Angelina looks at him in surprise. 'Actually, I just read it off the script.' she points out.
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The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!

stormymind

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2003, 12:35:14 PM »

"Who wrote these scripts anyway?" asked Lena.
"My pet dragon." murmers Stormy.
"Don't dragons have the IQ of a two year old?" said Lena.
"NO!" cried Stormy aghast." Its actually a one year old but thats beside the point."
The audience groan at the bad pun, well those who get it do.
"Actually it is imposs-" starts Hermione.
"SHUT UP!" shouts everyone.
"Well really." said Hermione.
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Angelina Tonks

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2003, 12:54:43 PM »

Lena shoos off Fred and George off stage. 'We don't need you any more.' she hisses at them.
'But - ' they argue. 'No buts!' Lena says. Then they disapparate.
'If you have stood up Hermione I swear this will be your last day when you are able to speak.'
Hermione sits bak down.
Stormy says, 'Let's welcome on the one and only - Lord Voldemort!'
The whole crowd flinches, Voldemort comes on. 'Now that's one truly scared crowd for you.'
Lena smiles, and says, 'Now, I've prepared a special anthem for you!' (to the tune of Colonel Bogey's March)
'Voldie, he's the evil guy
Voldie, really, he is shy
Voldie, please don't kill me
World domination is silly!'
Voldemort scowls. Lena says, 'So - riddle me this Voldie, how did a guy like you become so evil?'
LV scowls again. 'Avada Kedavra!' he shouts. Kelpie comes in, just behind Angelina, who ducks, and Kelpie is killed. But she comes back to life (it's this special power she has, you see) and Lena and stormy start saying, 'Honestly, Voldie, that was uncalled for, what was the point in that?'
Voldie scowls and walks off, saying, 'Now if you'll excuse me, I have to strike fear in people's hearts.'
Lena waves, and goes, 'Bye!'
Kelpie goes, 'Sorry I'm late, I just ad to - '
A floor director goes, 'Sit down, we don't have time to waste!'
'Erm,'stormy says, 'What shall we do now?'
Lena has an idea. 'I know! I'll sing my special christmas song!'
'No!' stormy shouts, but too late:
'Jingle bells, Dumbledore smells,
Kelpie's died again,
but then she resurrected herself
And is back with all her friends hey!'
Stormy clamps her hand around Lena's mouth, before she starts the second verse.
Logged
The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!

stormymind

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2003, 04:12:02 PM »

"Thats not a song this is a song!" cries Stormy, the whole croud get out their earplugs.
"We wish you a merry deathbed! We wish you a merry deathbed!  We wish you a merry deathbed and a happy ressurection. Bad tidings we bring to you and your guys, We wish you a merry deathbed LV in disguise!"
The earplugs are removed.
"Now who to insult next?" asks Lena.
"Oh Crystalis ofcourse! Even her name is bad!" exclaims Stormy ( i can say that because I'm her sister  ;) )
...........
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Angelina Tonks

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2003, 11:32:02 AM »

'Well, if we must.' Lena says reluctantly.
'Well, she's half human, maybe your mum can check out seen as she works in the magical creatures section of the ministry!'
'Stormy!' says Crystalis. Stormy sees her and runs off stage. Crystalis follows her. Crystalis hexes stormy, but stormy hexes her back.
Angelina smiles embarrasedly (sp?), and says, 'Well, I think it's time for a break, don't you?' The crowd leave for refreshments and Madame Pomfrey comes on and takes Crystalis and stormy off to the hospital wing.
When the audience come back, stormy is back to her usual state, and Angelina is nowhere to be seen. 'Welcome back!' stormy shouts to the crowd. 'Now, we have an exclusive interview with a snake! The only problem is, it speaks french. So, I've had to do lots of research and write up a script in french for Angelina, since she speaks parseltongue.'
A curtain high up in the wall is drawn back, and Angelina is seen in a booth with a snake.'
'Now, this booth is sound proof, so Angelina has no idea what she is saying.' stormy smiles. 'but we have a special instrument that converts what they're saying into English.' Stormy gives Lena the thumbs up, and Lena begins talking to the snake.'
'How are you, you piece of vermin?' Lena asks.
'Now, remember, Lena doesn't know what she's saying, that's what makes it so funny.' stormy reminds the crowd.
'How rude! I am not vermin!' says the snake.
'Now, I hate snakes, but unfortunately I was "blessed" with the gift of being able to talk to them.' Angelina says.
Stormy laughs.
'You have no manners at all.' the snake says. 'If you make another rude comment, then I am afraid I will have to bite you.'
The crowd goes silent. 'What?' stormy says. 'It's not really going to bite her.' she reassures the crowd.
'You know what? I think that all snakes are stupid!' Lena says. The snake lungs at her and bites her. 'What did I sya? What did I say?' she screams, and then runs out of the booth. Suddenly, she appears at the side of the stage, running around. 'It bit me! It bit me!' she grabs stormy and pushes her against the wall. 'What did you make me say, eh? What did you make me say?' Then, she faints. Madame Pomfrey conjours up a stretcher and takes Lena away.
'Honestly, comdy shows.' she says, shaking her head.
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The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!

stormymind

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2003, 01:12:44 PM »

"OK, so today it looks like I will be doing the show on my own!" says Stormy as she walks in. "And our topic for the day is *drumroll* death!"
The studio goes silent and a man in a black cloak with a skull in his hand walks in.
"Why hello Mr Death....." starts Stormy.
"Its sir, sir death." Death says, "But you may call me the grim reaper! Mwuhahahaha!"
"OK," Stormy looks nervousley to the audience, "So grim reaper, how long have you been in the buisness?"
"What buisness?" asks Death.
"The buisness of death ofcourse!" replies Stormy, she rolls her eyes.
"Oh no, death isn't my job, I do it for fun." says death calmly.
"For fun! But seeing people die can't be very fun." Stormy points out.
"You haven't seen the way some people die!" cackles Death. Ping coughs, "Oh shut up or I'll send you on to the place after death!" shouts Death.
The audience shudder.
"So Death who are you really?" asks Stormy.
"I am Death, but I have not always been Death for Death has consumed me." replies Death.
"Well Sir Death we have a surprise for you!" cries Stormy.
Tacky music comes on and a sign reading Sir Grim Reaper Death This is Your Life! appears.
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Angelina Tonks

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2003, 02:50:22 PM »

Angelina limps onstage. 'I'm okay!' she announces.
'Aww!' the audience say.
'Hey, this is our show, you're meant to do what the cue cards say!' she looks at the cue cards, which currently say 'awww!' on them.
'Charming(!)' she says sacrastically. Stormy coughs. 'Oh, right, this is all about death's life, sorry to interrupt.' Lena raises an eyebrow, well, tries to. 'Is it me, or does that sound dodgy?' Lena takes her seat and stormy begins to tell the story of death's life.
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The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!

stormymind

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2003, 12:43:45 PM »

"Death started out as danni Parker, a stroppy boy who grew to be a stroppy teenager. He then died!" Stormy said.
There was a long silence.
"What?" asked Stormy, "I said I would tell you about his life not his death!"
"That isn't funny!" said lena.
"It is," said Stormy, "Your just to thick to find it funny."
"Avada Kedava!" cried Lena and stormy fell down.
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Angelina Tonks

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #10 on: December 18, 2003, 10:57:36 AM »

Stormy looks up again. 'Fooled ya!' she shouts. The crowd sigh in relief. 'Lena wasn't holding her wand, it's in her back pocket!'
Mad Eye Moody comes onstage. 'Don't put your wand in your back pocket!' he shouts. 'You could blast your buttocks off!'
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The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!

stormymind

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #11 on: December 18, 2003, 03:59:45 PM »

Ping coughs. Everyone looks down guiltily.
"Anyway audience!" cries Stormy, "Now for your favourite part! The bit where we poke fun of ourselves!"
Everyone cheers.
"Do we have to?" moans Lena.
"What? Do you find this part hard?" asks Stormy, "Well, let me help you! So Lena when was the last time you went evil?"
"Five hours ago." admits Lena.
"Well done! That must be the longest you've gone!" laughs Stormy, along with the audience.
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Angelina Tonks

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2003, 07:34:00 AM »

'I've gone more than five hours before.' Lena mutters. 'I went 6 bloomin' years without going evil.' she huffs and walks off stage, but then remembers she has a show to do. 'So stormy, how's your charming going along? You managed to make things levitate yet?' she smiles, but noone else gets the joke. 'Ah, forget it.' she says. She goes to sit down, and sees death guy. 'Hey, you can get lost now.'
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The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!

stormymind

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2003, 02:28:13 PM »

"How polite!" says Death sarcasticly, he pushes past Lena and walks out of the studio.
"Well! That was clever wasn't it, Lena? Lets all insult death so he can give us a real painful death!" Stormy mutters.
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Angelina Tonks

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Re:Stormy and Lena's Comedy Showdown
« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2003, 10:36:47 AM »

Lena beams. She hadn't noticed the sarcasm. 'That's the nicest thing anyone;s ever said to me!' she sniffs.
'Erm, Lena, I was being sarcastic.'
'Oh.' Angelina says, now she lookss upset.
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The world is full of bad people - it's just some who are on opposite sides.
The moving tree will get you!
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