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Author Topic: My Attmept at a Story  (Read 2047 times)

Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #60 on: January 01, 2003, 12:36:28 AM »

Hmmm, you're right. But that

would involve me actually attempting to fit around a time-line. I'm really bad at that, but I could try, if I get motivated to write more. That, of course,

depends on whether or not I can drag some constructive criticism out of someone. (I tried showing it to my boyfriend and all he would say was 'that's

cool!' I think he's afraid he might insult me or something ;) Bah, I really don't get insulted. Easily anyway.)


I was working on a couple of

basic ideas when I started writing this:
Number three, Voldemort must have been trying to come back from the day of his defeat, he wouldn't have

waited until Harry was at Hogwarts. Harry just increased his motivation.
Number two, Slytherin had a very long winning streak before Harry came to

school. It couldn't all have been gained by cheating and gratuitous point-giving by Snape. Somewhere in there, there is room for a Slytherin 'hero'. Sort

of.
And number one, of course, I wanted to make an evil Gryffindor. So there.

Anyway, it's over now, so I was wondering if any of you could

tell me what, over all, you think. This was kind of an excersize for me, a way to force myself to actually finish a story. I'm working on several other, non

fan-fic things that I keep getting stuck on and I needed a break. If this one turned out well, however I might be able to work on the others again, you

know?




Hmm....did Bill or Charlie play Quidditch? I think at least one of them did. I can't remember and I can't look it up right now

because my books were stolen. (not that I'm bitter) One more reason I can't fit with a time-line.

Argh! Now you're giving me ideas! I hate you

all. *grin*
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Ping

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #61 on: January 02, 2003, 07:17:09 AM »

IIRC, Charlie was a beater. No actual

quotes on that. :)

I can't think of anything more to say than gushing. I'll try to go over the story again later today to get a more formalized

opinion on it. :)
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Lauren Weasley

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #62 on: January 02, 2003, 05:47:11 PM »

IIRC? What's that? Charlie

was a Seeker in the books. Now that I think about it Tia, Bill probably would have graduated by the time you and Kerry were in sixth year, but Charlie was

probably still around.

Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #63 on: January 02, 2003, 06:16:23 PM »

Hmmm. Well, I'll look into it. But I

refuse to write anything else unless I have it all planned first. This one was a nightmare, what with me getting stuck midway through (for three

months no less!) and trying to fix the plot without back-editing capabilities. Grrr...
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Verkolak

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #64 on: January 04, 2003, 03:38:36 AM »

There there, there there
*pats Tia

comfortingly on the shoulder*
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #65 on: January 04, 2003, 01:01:23 PM »

You just stay out of this!

;)
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Verkolak

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #66 on: January 04, 2003, 06:46:32 PM »

Awwww, do I have too??
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Angharad yr Gwyn

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #67 on: January 04, 2003, 07:28:52 PM »

you might

want to Verkolak.  You have a sword but she has a pen.  She might satirize you if you're not careful.

BTW, cool story Tia.
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Verkolak

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #68 on: January 04, 2003, 07:38:39 PM »

I am not afraid of

satire, I'm a Nazgul for crying out loud the public's opinion of me can't get much worse than it already is.

(And I also think it

is a cool story.)
« Last Edit: January 04, 2003, 07:39:43 PM by Verkolak Nightblade »
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Angharad yr Gwyn

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #69 on: January 04, 2003, 08:05:54 PM »

*looks  a little

closer*  hmm...  Nazg├╗l? Right... uh-huh you just keep telling yourself that.
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #70 on: January 04, 2003, 09:29:43 PM »

Hrmph. Take your nazgul off my

story-page :P

Thanks, AG :)
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Madeleine

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #71 on: January 06, 2003, 03:07:24 PM »

Charlie was captain

of the Quidditch team, and Bill was Head Boy.  Ron says so when he meets Harry on the train in book one.  Anyway, that would be pretty cool.  We also

know there was another Care of Magical Creatures teacher and another DADA professor (obviously).  I think that's close to all we know for certain about

pre-"canon" Hogwarts (other than the fifty years ago stuff.)  I'd like to see more, Tia.

You know, I'm really trying to find some

constructive critcism, but I'm having a hard time with it.  Just reading it for pleasure, and not as an editor, I really enjoyed it and saw no problems with it.  

The only thing I might change is the way you describe Tia's moods.  I kinda get the impression that she was really petulant most of the time, and I think

you could give it more variety without changing her personality.  Does that make any sense?  More annoyance, more obvious embarassment and the

so-often-accompanying anger, more jealousy.  ...  I'm not really sure how, except in the wording around those moments, so that's probably really not

helpful, but....  Yeah.  That's my one (hopefully) useful thought.

Good luck with the next one!
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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #72 on: January 06, 2003, 07:53:16 PM »

O_O Whoo!!! I just finished

reading the last 6 segments... ^__^ This rivals Immortality Symdrome as my favorite fanfic. I don't normally read HP fanfiction, but this one was cool...

uhh... I suppose I could try and find something wrong with it if you wanted... but that would require extreme nit-pickyness. Lets see... umm... you

had an evil Gryffindor? LOL, no actually I liked that part to tell you the truth. It added a nice touch to the story. Finally the stereotype is broken and the

tables are turned. Snape actually dislikes one of his own house members, and a Gryffindor turns out to be in league with YKW. I liked that touch. ^_^

well... I don't know what else to say, and I probably made about 50 typos in this post, so I think I'll just stop for awhile...

[/gush]
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #73 on: January 06, 2003, 08:38:42 PM »

I like the fact that Snape dislikes a

member of his own House, but he's not going to let it get in the way of winning the Cup.

Er...not to comment on my own writing or anything. It

just seemed like something Snape would do.
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Lilith Demodae

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #74 on: January 15, 2003, 03:51:57 PM »

Cool, Tia.  I liked it a

lot.   It's nice to see people who can write fic that doesn't revolve around them becoming the best friend, or saving the life, of Harry  Potter.
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Madeleine

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #75 on: January 15, 2003, 05:37:34 PM »

Okay, Tia, I thought

of something.  As I remember, the first time I read it, it was really a surprise to me how Grant had gotten into Gryffindor.  I wasn't entirely sure it would

have worked.  Dumbledore's comment at the end helped with that, but I would like to see you add some more ... well, depth to Grant through the

beginning of the story - more color, more... description.  I want to see him being not very Gryffindor-ish when talking to Tia.  Maybe he'll catch himself,

and try to correct it, but I didn't get as strong a feel for that as I did for, for example, Tia's and Kerry's relationship.  ... Does that

help?
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #76 on: January 15, 2003, 06:52:05 PM »

It does actually. I wanted to fix

Grant's character quite a bit as the story went on, but since I'd already posted those segments I couldn't change them right then. I tried to

"back-fix" it with the later segments, but...

Also, I'm terrible at description. I hate it (not in other writing, only my own). If you notice,

not one of the characters has a physical description. I always for get to put it in, or it sounds stupid, etc. I know what they look like, and I tend to assume

everyone else does, even though I know they don't, hehe.

I feel like I should just add a picture, or a stock description at the beginning of a

story. "Here are the characters. Now forget about it."

I much prefer conversations.
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Madeleine

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #77 on: January 17, 2003, 04:13:26 PM »

Heh.  It sounds like

we should get together and write a story.  I'm great with description, but awful at conversation.  Plus I can't come up with a decent plot by myself.  I

have to have someone giving me ideas that I can bounce off of.  ... From which I can bounce?  Hm.  Sometimes my grammar's not too great

either.

I guess I'm more of a poet than a story writer.  Too bad even I don't always enjoy READING poetry, just writing it.  :D

:P
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Cho Chung

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #78 on: March 09, 2003, 04:18:30 PM »

Tia, I just read the whole story

for the first time today (I WAS AWOL when you were writing this, I think.  At least for part of it, anyway).  I have one word:  AWESOME!  Really!  I'm not

just saying that to be polite.  I tend to be tough on lots of things.  I like the plot twist with the evil Gryffindor, particularly because it's very much like

something JKR would do (make the dark wizard someone that would be really hard to suspect).  I also like the cat thing, though I agree that the part

where Tia thinks they're in the Forbidden Forest kind of comes out of nowhere.  

A couple of nitpicky things:  

The statue in front

of Dumbledore's office is a gargoyle in the books.  Not a griffin.  Wasn't sure if you changed that on purpose or not.  If so, I thought it was clever.  



I'm not quite sure I liked Dumbledore's reaction to Tia.  It seemed too, well, un-Dumbeldorish to me.  Perhaps it's just becase I'm used to

his reactions to Harry and perhaps his reactions to a Slytherin would be different, but it seems to me that he would probably have let Tia (the character, of

course.  Not you.  so confusing...) know with a little glance, a twinkle of the eye, some cryptic comment, something to let her know that he did in fact

believe her.  I don't know how much you were trying to capture the characters of the books accurately, but it just didn't seem like him to completely lie

to a student trying to help catch a dark wizard.  

Ummmm, other thoughts.  I liked the flashback quite a bit, actually.  I thought it effective and

I thought it particularly effective where it was placed.  If you were writing a novel rather than a short story, I would suggest the flashback to be earlier, but

that's irrelevant to what you did do.  To echo one of Ping's earlier comments, I liked the way you had the magic of the Hogwarts world placed in there so

casually, as if this is of course how all things are (the cleaning closet for one.  I liked the lid on the container of hot food, myself.  Opening and closing

until something appears that you like).  I like the curses and spells that you made up, too.  And the fight scene in the hallway was pretty cool.  Breaking

the stereotypes in general was fun (Cynthia was a little witch, if you ask me -- no pun intended).  

I think I might have liked it if you could have

developed more with the cat, but what you did do with the cat was pretty fun.  I also liked the broomstick chase inside the castle.  Pretty

out-of-the-box if you ask me.

All in all, two enthusiastic thumbs up (if I had more than two thumbs, I'd put them up, too).  If you do write

again, I'd love to read more.  

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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #79 on: March 11, 2003, 10:53:26 PM »

Thanks for the input, Cho. I'm glad

you like it, 'cause I liked writing it (Despite the copious amounts of complaining my roommates had to put up with during the process :) ) Umm, let's

see...

*grin* Somehow, I have this need to reply to every piece of advice people give me. Maybe it'll wear off eventually.

Yes, the

cat thing came out of nowhere. Er...would you believe I really did write a few extra scenes and such and then deleted them in a fit of self-frustration? And

then, because I'm just smart like that, forgot about it completely. :P The gaps are obvious to me, though the only one others have noticed is the cat ;)

Ember has a lot more personality in my mind than she ended up with on paper *sigh* Maybe next time.

Um, the doorwas a gargoyle? I could

have sworn...oh well. Technically a gargoyle is just a stone statue thing that sits on buildings...it can be any shape. So we can pretend it was a

griffin...because my books got stolen, I couldn't look anything up, and all I saw was the movies. (excuses, excuses)  ;D

As for Dumbledore's

reaction...well...I have always felt that he was a bit partial to Harry. He would let Harry do, and get away with, a lot more than he would anyone

else...otherwise Hogwarts would have zero discipline. He also confides in Harry more, tells him more, and explains more, naturally. But that's just my

opinion.

Also...he may have been dropping hints after all, but Tia...she's a bit dense sometimes, yes? (and I tried pretty hard to keep it to

Tia's point of view, though I may have slipped occaisionally) Also, in her subconcious mind, she very much would love to have the teachers not believe

her, so she'd have an excuse to point it out to them later. Yeah, she's petty like that.

(Actually...writing Dumbledore really bothered me...I

could not, for the life of me, write him right. So to speak. Points to JKR for making a frustratingly difficult character to copy.)

Ah well. I'm

thinking of writing another one (and I swore I never would), but...I can't come up with any complete plots. I used up too many ideas on this one, and all I

have left are fragments. Oh, and stuff that was way too over-used, angst-ridden, or just plain dumb, to make it in, hehe. I have a file on my computer of

'random' scenes. Sheesh.

Ideas, anyone?
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Cho Chung

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #80 on: March 12, 2003, 03:21:13 AM »

Well, throw out a summary of

some of your random scenes.  Let's see if there's anything there that could turn into something.  

Er, are you asking for ideas for a story?  

Or ... um ... what are you asking ideas for?
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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #81 on: March 12, 2003, 05:42:21 AM »

Er, yes, what are you looking for?

/>
Also, as far as Dumbledore goes, yes, Tia might not believe that he believes her, but I think you could at least let the audience know. He winks

at her, for example, and she thinks he's just trying to rub in how much better Gryffindor is, but really he's trying to show that he does believe her.

Dramatic irony, and all that. :)

For character description problems, I highly recommend the first part of "Dynamic Characters,"

which is like $18 and a fascinating read all the way through. It's basically a guide to creating rich, full characters, and the ways to describe them and to

use their backgrounds to further the plot, or to create a plot if you're struggling. Very cool. :)
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #82 on: March 12, 2003, 09:29:23 AM »

Dynamic characters? Hmm, is it a

normal book, or a school textbook? Author? (If you know) I could use some help in prodding along a plot I'm working on for something else, non-HP

related. I've got a beginning and an end and a few middle bits but it's a pain to connect them *sigh*

Dumbledore will be the bane of my

existence forever, probably because, deep down inside, I continue to harbor a random dislike formed in reading the first book, with no reasonable basis

whatsoever. *Shrug*

As for ideas...I'm open. Any random sort of thng you might have liked to see happen over the course of a fan-fic at some

point in time? (Aside from what you've said already, of course)

Of course, you might want to save it for your own if you have any outstanding

ideas. I'm just bored. Two words can sometimes give me an idea for a whole plot. (evil Gryffindor, for instance, but that one wasn't hard)

My

main problem right now is trying to think of something for Tia, and Kerry or whoever, to do that would be interesting, but not too, um...outstanding? I

mean, they took on a dark wizard already, what's next, Voldemort? That's too ridiculous. It's Harry's job, I can't give it to my characters. *grin* But

after the last one, it would be really boring to have a plot that revolved around passing a transfiguration exam, ya know?
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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #83 on: March 12, 2003, 09:33:27 AM »

Dynamic Characters is by Nancy

Kress, I believe. It's, um, probably more a "normal book on writing," which often have exercises on how to improve your writing. It's quite a

wonderful book. I'd recommend it even more that King's "On Writing," which was a fascinating read and made me like the man, if I still don't

actually read his books. :)

I'd be happy to help with any story. :)

As for fanfic ideas, what about some "dark wizard"

who missed the Voldemort times (was too young, maybe) but wants to be like Voldemort? A sort of copy-cat? Or maybe someone who just wants to

take this chance to get his own group of powerful bad guys going?
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #84 on: March 12, 2003, 10:11:36 AM »

That....is a fascinating idea. Hmm. I

need to ponder this for a few millenia.

To add to that, I was thinking of writing something in the summer-time, to add the extra 'benefit' of not

being able to practice magic, as students. Up go the challenges, and up goes the opportunity for me to think of more odd wizard-life objects to overcome

them :)

I think I'll look up that book, though I wish my local library didn't suck so much that I'll probably have to buy it to find out if I like

it.
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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #85 on: March 12, 2003, 10:48:03 AM »

If you take that long to put up another

story, you realize we're going to have to hurt you, don't you? *eg*

But that does sound like a cool idea for adding a level of tension to the

story!

It is well worth the $ you'll spend. And if not, I'll buy it off you. :)
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Madeleine

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #86 on: March 12, 2003, 11:37:12 AM »

What about

something more kid-based, like (possibly accidentally) foiling the plans of some bullyish mischief makers that would end up being particularly bad?  

In-house conflict?  I can see Tia accidentally screwing up the plans of some group of Slytherins who decide to get a... say a really good Ravenclaw

Quidditch player, their star athlete, injured during or before a game with Slytherin.  *shrug*  Maybe I just spend too much time with avid "sport

fans."

As for my truly brilliant ideas... well, when I get any, they're mine!  :D
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #87 on: March 12, 2003, 11:57:32 AM »

Of course, I only steal truly brilliant

ideas from already published authors ;)

I'll see what I feel like writing over the next couple weeks or so. I had some ideas for a not-so-serious

Quidditch-based story that might be kind of like what Mad was suggesting...but if I have the time and inclination to put some effort into it, I might go for

something more like Ping's. Or both. (If I'm trying to kill myself) But we all know about my random bouts of creativity and/or writer's block, so who

knows?

I wanted to play some more with the social results of the last story, hehe. Plus, I've still got nearly half of the same year to mess

around with. (Though I doubt even Tia is inclined to try anything else particularly insane after that mess. Well, not right away, anyway.)

Or I'll

just keep meandering around in circles on this thread, in an attempt not to write anything interesting at all. *ducks*
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Cho Chung

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #88 on: March 12, 2003, 12:37:42 PM »

Here's something.  I don't

know if this is too, Chamber of Secrets-ish, but it wasn't clear to me after your last story whether Tia belonged in Slytherin or not.  It seemed like the hat

just "put" her there because she didn't want to keep sitting on the chair waiting for it to make up its mind.  Granted we've had lots of

"the hat is never wrong" RPing here on this thread, and it runs through your story, too.  I wonder, though, if there's any doubt in Tia's mind

that she belongs in Slytherin?  And, perhaps, what does it mean to be in Slytherin if you're not evil?  

One of the characters I find most

fascinating is Snape precisely because he is one of the "good guys" but is so one-sided, unreasonable, oily, vindictive, and mean.  But he's a

good guy.  So what's the line?  And when does one cross it?  And why does one person cross it when another doesn't?  Does that make sense?  

What's the difference between just plain Slytherin (whatever that is) and evil?  And where does Tia fit in and how?  I know that's not a plot, but it's an

idea of something to bat around during a story.
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Tiamat

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Re:My Attmept at a Story
« Reply #89 on: March 12, 2003, 01:27:55 PM »

That is exactly the sort of thing that

keeps Tia awake at night ;) But she would be about as loathe to be in Gryffindor as Harry was to be in Slytherin. Maybe she'd like to be in Hufflepuff with

Kerry? Heh. There's always that family thing, too. I mean, I have a feeling Ron would never have been in Gryffindor if his whole family wasn't. I always

fancied him kind of a Hufflepuff, myself. But then again, I have some odd ideas of house distinctions anyway. (and why am I so down on Hufflepuff

anyway?)


Actually, I did want to play more with the house distinctions and what made who what in the last story, but I got side tracked

by a dark wizard who blew all the boundaries into a black hole. (I have to admit that story was not originally meant to go anywhere like where it did) So,

yes I want to include that sort of debate a little more.

Hmmm, yep I'm getting ideas. You guys are great :)
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